Box stuffs, Japan Crate stuffs

Box review #1

I have been a long time subscriber of Japan Crate – 3 days shorts of two years – and am excited to make my first review of their March 2017 crate. As of now, I only get the mini crates, which have about 5-7 different things in them. This month’s crate had some things that spoke for themselves, and others…not so much. Let’s get started!

Item numero uno

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“Country Ma’am Chocolate Chip Cookies”

“Crispy on the outside but soft on the inside, they’re the perfect chocolate chip cookie! But there’s more – this pack of 20 is half chocolate-stuffed vanilla cookies and half chocolate-stuffed chocolate cookies so they’re sure to please all types of cookie fanatics.”

Alright, that doesn’t sound so bad. Just regular cookies, right? And regular cookies is pretty much exactly what these are. Nothing too weird here.

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Vanilla/Chocolate chip
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Chocolate/Chocolate chip

They taste pretty similar to storebought cookies, nothing particularly noteworthy about either of these. They could be better, but they could be a whole lot worse. The cookies are sweet and the vanilla cookie is slightly buttery. There’s like 3 chocolate chips in both which take up most of the center, like you can see in the vanilla picture.
Oh, they’re also all individually wrapped, so be prepared for a lot of leftover wrappers if you plan to eat them all in one sitting. [not at all what I did]

Item number two

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“Umakamon Mayonnaise”

“The umami flavor of Japanese mayonnaise is popular among Japanese snacks. The unique taste is definitely worth a try and is fun to taste test with friends!”

Yes, you read that right. Mayonnaise-flavored things. When I first read that I made an audible “eeugh” noise and imagined what kind of atrocity it might be. An hour later or so, it was a showdown between me and the bag. A stare off. It kept its gaze steady, a smug look on its face. I had the face of a five-year-old who didn’t want to leave Disney World. “I don’t wanna eat these” I groaned before reluctantly tearing the bag open.

I hesitantly pop one of the curls in my mouth but – surprise! They didn’t taste half bad. In fact, they were actually pretty good. They’re sweet but a bit tangy. Not at all like the mayonnaise you put on your sub at Subway before work. The taste and texture were reminiscent of Funyuns onion rings, only less sweet and more savory. But also like Funyuns, my breath now smells horrible.

Item number three

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“Melon Pandaro”

“These classic panda-shaped cookies are here in a new melon flavor! The cute design and sweet taste will make this a favorite at your next picnic or party.”

Look at that face on the bag. Its eyes look so pained as they watch you eat its twin brother who lost his ears in a tragic accident. It looks so traumatized and the cookie looks excited to be eaten. The cookie is also the same color as a pistachio, which is not appetizing. But then again, mayonnaise curls don’t seem appetizing either.

It has a faint scent of melon, but more chemical than natural. (Huge surprise there) The scent is also more of a sour melon than the overly sweet ones that you can find in the produce aisle. I take one bite and there’s no melon flavor whatsoever. Absolutely none. All that’s left is the faint smell that is being overwhelmed by the smell of the mayonnaise curls, and the slightly off-putting color of a pistachio.

The cookie itself is buttery and sweet, but it doesn’t have any other flavor than that, which is disappointing.

Item number four

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“Diamond Ring Pop”

“Bring back the 90’s with the Japanese version of the Ring Pop! They’re retro and fun design are perfect for get-togethers with friends.”

Oh. Oh no. Oh no no no. One lick and I’m completely overwhelmed by the sheer sweetness of the ring pop. It’s like sticking your tongue in a bag of sugar. Give me a second, I need to wash my tongue now.

Okay. There was almost no flavor other than sugar in that ring pop. Unlike the panda cookie, which had some flavor, the flavor in this may as well have been the missing melon from the panda cookie. It might have been a “what if I imagine that this tastes like chemical [fruit]? Will that save me from the sugar overload?”  The answer is no. Nothing will save you from the sugar overdose in that thing.

Item number five – final item

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“Bon O Bon Creamy Cream”

“‘We go together like peanut butter and chocolate.’ These milk chocolate bon bons are filled with a creamy peanut butter center and a layer of wafer cookie!”

Oh no. Not more sugar. [five seconds later] Alright, time to try this. It sure smells like a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup, so that might be a good sign

.

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om nom nom

 Not the kind of “creamy peanut butter” I was expecting. I was expecting the kind of peanut butter that you put on a sandwich. This was more of a mousse-like peanut butter. It was light and airy, and not thick and sticky like regular peanut butter. The wafer was also very thin, but it had just enough crunch to be audible.

Unlike most peanut butter I’ve had, that tastes/smells very strongly of peanuts, this was also lighter in that sense as well. The nutty flavor was still there, but not as pronounced as it could have been. It was more of a background taste and not a truck-to-the-face kind of taste.


Overall, this was a good crate. Lots of sugary stuff, but some “nice” mayonnaise flavored curls to balance my palate. There’s been a lot worse before though, so it’s nice to get a pretty good crate.

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